In last Sunday’s sermon, we saw that God put Adam in the garden/temple/home that God had made for him to work and keep it. When Adam works or serves in the garden, he practices dominion over the garden so that the garden may flourish. When Adam keeps or guards the garden, he protects it and all who are inside it from the chaos outside. These roles are defined and created by God as Adam’s part of the cultural mandate of Genesis 1.
“And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” (Gen. 1:28)
Adam has a unique role in subduing and dominion while Eve has a unique role in multiplying. Each one is uniquely made for the role that God has designed and fitted them for, but how does this division of labor look today? The answer to that question depends on one’s life circumstances. There are many faithful possibilities, but let’s look at one question that often comes up when talking to couples about this principle. Who makes the decisions in the marriage relationship?
As the leader of the family, a father is designed to be the primary decision-maker in the family. He is the ruler of the household. Immediately, when I type this, I am flooded with a multiplicity of exceptions and caveats that must be explored. That is the nature of life under the sun as Ecclesiastes puts it. Men are sinful and often stupid. How does this apply when he is wrong? How does it apply when he is walking headlong into sin? These are all legitimate questions, and they have answers that can be reasonably derived from the principles found in Genesis, but this is what we must not allow in our minds. We must not allow the caveats and exceptions to change our conception of the marriage relationship. A husband is the head of the home.
In the following exhortations, I want to address a few of those caveats that come to mind:
Husbands, your wife does not owe her ultimate allegiance to you. You are not at the top of the hierarchy. You are in the middle. Your wife owes her ultimate allegiance to Christ the same as you do. You must steward your responsibility as the subject of the King, Jesus Christ. That means that any command, decision, or leadership that leads to sin must be respectfully refused by a faithful wife. She must refuse. She dares not disobey her true Master and Lord, Jesus. She is being faithful to her covenant and fulfilling her role as a helper fit for him when she refuses.
Husbands, your wife is God’s gift of wise counsel to you. Any husband who consistently ignores his wife’s input and counsel is described by the book of Proverbs as a fool. The foolish husband is a tyrant and does not work with his wife to come to the best decisions possible between them. Remember, God never calls husbands to coerce or force their wife’s respect or obedience. You must lead, but she must follow. You are not God the Holy Spirit; you should not try to force or coerce her. Alternatively, the foolish husband may also abdicate his decision-making priority in the home and push his responsibilities off on her. These are the makings of a disastrous marriage relationship.
Wives, your husband should be given all the support and encouragement, and wisdom that you have. He cannot faithfully fulfill his role as primary decision-maker without it. However, you must resist the world, the flesh, and the Devil’s temptations to rise up and wrest your husband’s roles away from him. God has given you a beautiful and wonderful role in the household, and he is calling you to fulfill it with a joyful heart.
In Christ Alone,
Pastor Charles
